I regret to inform you that I am not psychic.

I know. This is shocking news, especially considering how confidently I can decide that my friend’s “no worries.” text actually means: You are exhausting, I’ve outgrown you, and also you chew weird.

Today’s feature: the cognitive distortion lovingly known in therapy land as mind reading.

Now, I did not learn about mind reading from a BuzzFeed quiz. I learned about it sitting on my therapist’s couch, mid-spiral, explaining how I just knew my friend was mad at me because she watched my Instagram story and didn’t respond to my meme about burnout.

My therapist blinked gently and said, “What’s the evidence for that?”

Rude.

Apparently, mind reading is when we assume we know what other people are thinking—usually something negative about us—without actual proof. 

And let me tell you, adult friendships are a breeding ground for this distortion.