You ever have one of those days where your brain is a hamster on an espresso drip, running in circles and getting nowhere? And then—just when you’re already hanging on by the last frayed thread of your patience—someone hits you with:

“Take a chill pill.”

Oof.

Not only is that phrase peak ‘90s energy, it also has a way of making you feel like you’re being extra for having totally normal, human emotions. Like… excuse me for feeling things?? I didn’t realize this was the emotional Hunger Games.

We’re Not Robots, We’re Just Burnt Toast

Millennials are a generation that grew up with the lie that if we just worked hard enough, we could have it all—dream job, dreamy apartment, perfectly curated self-care routine.

But here we are, in therapy, trying to just figure out how to be okay without spiraling into existential dread every time we have to send a work email or look at our bank account.

We are ambitious. We have passions. We want joy and creativity and connection. But we’re also tired. Like… bone-deep, screen-fatigued, emotionally-overstimulated, tired. And when we finally reach a moment where all that pressure bubbles to the surface, we’re told to “take a chill pill” like we’re overreacting to the sheer weight of existing.

“Take a Chill Pill” is Just Code for “Stop Feeling So Much”

Here’s the thing: “take a chill pill” is rarely ever about encouraging rest or self-regulation. Most of the time, it’s a way to dismiss what we’re feeling.

Anxiety? “You’re just overthinking.”
Anger? “You’re being dramatic.”
Overwhelm? “You need to calm down.”
Sadness? “It’s not that bad.”

And whether we hear it from others or ourselves, it sends the same message:

“Your feelings aren’t valid. You’re too much.”

But what if we didn’t try to bypass our emotions like a traffic detour? What if we slowed down enough to listen to them? Not to fix them. Not to shove them into a journal entry we’ll never revisit. But to just be with them.

Validate Yourself Like It’s Your Job (Because Honestly, It Kind of Is)

Here is something my therapist told me: emotional validation is a basic human need. When it’s not offered to us by others—whether due to generational gaps, cultural norms, or just plain old misunderstanding—we still need it. And that’s where self-validation comes in.

It looks like this:

“I’m allowed to be upset about this. My feelings make sense.”
“This situation is really hard, and it’s okay that I’m struggling.”
“I don’t need to justify my emotions to anyone—including myself.”

It doesn’t mean we stay stuck in the tough stuff. It just means we give ourselves permission to feel it before we try to move through it. Emotional bypassing might be efficient, but it’s not healing.

Why This Is So Dang Hard (Spoiler: It’s Not Just You)

Self-validation sounds simple, but when you’re raised to perform rather than process, it’s hard to slow down long enough to be with yourself. If you grew up with emotionally unavailable caregivers, or in a culture where independence was prized above all else, you might’ve learned to silence your own feelings just to survive.

If you grew up in a home where emotions were ignored, minimized, or labeled as “too much,” it’s likely you learned to stuff yours down to keep the peace. Maybe no one ever modeled how to sit with sadness or how to hold space for anger without shame.

That makes self-validation feel like learning a new language: awkward, slow, and unnatural at first. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you’re unlearning what never served you in the first place.

Individual looking out into nature, being with their emotions and taking time to breathe. This blog episode talks about the downfall of dismissing your emotions. The Messy Millennial takes a fun spin on what "Take a Chill Pill" really says.

Rewriting “Chill” to Mean Compassion

What if “take a chill pill” wasn’t a shutdown—but a check-in?

Instead of telling ourselves to “calm down,” what if we asked,

“What do I need right now that I’m not getting?”

Maybe it’s rest.
Maybe it’s a snack.
Maybe it’s permission to cry in the car before going into Trader Joe’s (just me?).

Whatever it is, you deserve to meet yourself with gentleness instead of judgment. You’re not broken. You’re not “too much.” You’re a full-spectrum human being who feels deeply and tries hard and still deserves rest.

You Don’t Need to Chill, You Need to Be Heard

So the next time someone (even your inner voice) tells you to “take a chill pill,” pause. Take a breath. And ask yourself:

“Am I being too much? Or am I just finally letting myself feel?”

You’re not messy because you have emotions. You’re messy because you’re human—and frankly, the world could use more of that kind of mess.